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Sunday, 13 October 2013

why do i stay up late?

I just had a brilliant thought.

It went along the lines of this:

"I could chop all my fingers off."

Just, you know, a random suggestion that popped into my head as a solution... to what I  don't know.

So I ask again. Why do I stay up late?

6 hours left til I have to wake up but not only am I not sleepy, I plan on watching just one more episode of Grey's Anatomy before I try...

This is my prediction; me tomorrow. Somewhere, out of nowhere, there is going to be a wave and it's going to hit me face on and knock me off my feet.
A metaphorical, work related wave no doubt, not an actual wave like this one, but you get the picture.
{and I get the feeling it'll be a little worse than saying "lime" instead of "life", or writing "donut" instead of "doubt"...}

Friday, 11 October 2013

You knew what I was like when you met me

You knew what I was like when you met me,
because I never hid who I was.
I have never really known who you are,
because I can't see below the surface as well as you,
because I never thought to think you would lie.
You gave people-pleaser answers,
you said everything a girl would want you to say.
You made me fall in love with you
but now I think it was all a game.

At six months, you didn't break my heart.
You shattered it.
And that hurt,
even though we "got back together",
that hurt lasted six months.
At least.

Since then you have been remaking me
changing me into who you want me to be.
Or trying to at least.
And if I look at the past with unbiased eyes,
you were doing it long before then.
The only difference is,
before you were doing it with your pretty people-pleasing lies,
and now you do it with hard cold eyes
and one hand holding tight to the leash my love has made around my neck.

You are the only person whose opinion matters,
you are the only person who I care if you think I look good or not.
Well I'm trying to change that
I tell myself,
I tell others,
that my opinion about my body is the only one that matters.
But when I say that I'm lying.

I've done things I said I would never do,
I thought I never could do,
all to please you.
Because no matter how much you've changed,
I always remember you as you were.

Always remember when you said you loved me.

Always wish that things hadn't changed.